Remember how mad people were at the Kardashians for parlaying OJ, Bruce Jenner and a solid a sex tape into becoming “famous for being famous”? It’s like Kim K and the gang dropped a deuce in the boomers’ lunch box and pissed in the older-Xers’ thermos.

Now we know Kris Jenner, her four hot daughters (Kourtney is number 1) and Chubby Rob were creating a new, lame career for millennials and Zs: Being an Influencer. Today, influencers show us what to wear, what to eat and where to eat it. People like Logan Paul have leveraged their millions of followers into millions of dollars, successful companies and Pay Per View fights.

But what does that mean to be influential?

The dictionary defines it as, “having great influence on someone or something.” That makes an influencer someone that exerts influence. But as one of my great influencers, Mr. Short, taught me in fifth-grade English, using a word to define itself is as lame as fame for being famous, so here are criteria I came up with to judge what makes a person globally influential:

• Notoriety – Who knows you.
• Utility – How useful is what you produced to society.
• Impact – What are the consequences of what you’ve done.
• Transformation – How a person changed society.
• Longevity – How long have you been influential and how long will your influence last.

Based on these criteria, the list of candidates for GEN X’s biggest influencer is deeper than the Showtime Lakers, but like Highlander, there can only be one, so let’s bracket it out.

Before we start …

*This is not science. It’s my opinion. Feel free to add your 2 cents in the comments.

*Most of the world doesn’t know your mom, Mr. Short, Uncle Merle, or little league coach.

*This isn’t a history paper, and we aren’t getting spiritual, so Allah (SWAT), Jesus, Mohammed (PBUH); Buddha; Gandhi; Gutenberg; Hitler; Elvis, etc. etc. won’t be here either.

*Influential doesn’t equal best! We’ll write about GOATs later.

With that, here are the brackets: *Each criterion will be scored 1-5 with 5 being the highest.

Athletes: Magic Johnson (22), Michael Jordan (21), Serena Williams (20), Bill and Scott Rasmussen (19), Tiger Woods (17): As with most things’ sports, it would be easy to say, “Michael Jordan” and be done with it; however, Magic has done many of the same things on-and-off the court. The one difference is Magic’s impact on HIV/AIDS. As cool as Jumpman is, it doesn’t have near the impact or utility as saving the lives of literally millions. Serena and Tiger had similar trajectories as minorities in an individual sport, but Serena’s impact on expression and women couldn’t be denied. The Rasmussens probably brought the biggest change with their invention of ESPN, but did anyone know who they were before this article?

Entertainers:  Oprah (23), Jim Henson (19), Martha Stewart (18), Dr. Dre (18), Arnold Schwarzenegger (15): It’s fricken Oprah! Beyond being the ultimate gatekeeper of influence, the Queen of media also proved that even an abused black girl from the South could become the first female, self-made billionaire. That being said, even Oprah showed up on Sesame Street, which did more than any show to shape Gen X’s personality and liberal sensibilities – Thank you Jim Henson. Dr. Dre’s primary contribution to this list is his music and bringing Hip-Hop culture to the mainstream, though he shared that crown with several others. Martha Stewart’s utility score was off the chart thanks to the DIY revolution she started. It’s saved wanna-be craftspeople millions and open the way for plenty of make-up sex. Finally, nobody epitomized the Merica-first, guns-can-solve anything, commies-suck attitude more than the muscle-bound Austrian who married a Kennedy and ran the state of California for two terms.  

Politicians: Donald Trump (23), Barrack Obama (23), The Bushes (21), Ronald Reagan (18), Bin Laden (17): A certain sect will find me racist for putting anyone – especially Trump — on the same level as President Obama. I sure hope not considering President O is the grandest bridge our generation built to cover the self-inflicted racial divide white Europeans started around 1619. But anyone who denies Trump’s influence on GEN X is clueless. He was the sign of success in the 80s. He made appearances on the Fresh Prince before bringing us reality TV in the 90s and built the MAGA movement of today. The two Bushes were not great presidents, but they shaped our world the last 40 years, while Ronald Reagan shaped the Rich/White/mostly male America our parents loved. Then there is mother-humpin Bin Laden. Every generation needs a villain, and Osama is it. He took down our trade centers from a fricken cave, demonized an entire religion and messed up our travel forever. Great get President O, but Trump’s prominence before and after he served in the White House is why he’s advancing out of this bracket.  

The Rest: Steve Jobs (24), Mark Zuckerberg (24), Bill Gates (22), Sergey Brin and Larry Page (20), Rupert Murdoch (17): Even the Amish have an i-something, which is another way of saying Steve Jobs has impacted every aspect of pretty much everyone’s lives. Zuckerberg is close, but Facebook is now for grandparents, and he is fighting Elon Musk. Bill Gates was on his way to being at the top of this list, but he fell off with Microsoft; however, there is no denying his impact on how we work, and how the rich give charity. How would we get anywhere or know anything without Sheik Google? Only problem is you need to Google who Brin and Page are.

Final Four: Magic, Oprah, Trump and Jobs.

Rating by

Notoriety – Trump, Oprah, Magic, Jobs: Who doesn’t know the Donald?

Utility – Jobs … Magic, Oprah, Trump: Has anything proven more useful than a supercomputer in our pocket?

Impact – Jobs, Magic, Trump, Oprah: The Amish, dude, but Magic’s crusade against HIV carries weight.

Transformation – Jobs, Trump, Oprah, Magic: Life before Jobs is nearly unimaginable to people born after Jobs.